One for tech support

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one...
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Customer: Hi, this is Maureen. I can't get my diskette
out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good I'll make a note.
Customer: No , wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk..
sorry....

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Tech support: Click on the 'my computer'
icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?


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Tech support: Good day. How may I help
you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on 'start' for me and.
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.



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Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try,
it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in
front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it..


============== =


Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tec support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah...................thank you.


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Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at Woolies.


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Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the
computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: ! O
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...


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Tech support: Your password is the small letter 'a' as in apple, a capital letter V
as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters ?


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Customer: can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.


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Tech support: What anti-virus program do
you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.


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Customer: I have huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer,
but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.


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Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle
around it?


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A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: 'No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man
sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working
fine.


===============


And last but not least...

Tech support: 'Okay Colin, let's press the control and escape keys
at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now
type the letter 'P ' to bring up the Program Manager.'
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Colin.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: 'P'.....on your keyboard, Colin
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!

haha classic

You may read this and think its made up... but having worked in 1st line IT support and having personnally had to not laugh down the phone at a user looking for the 'any' key I dont think many of these are that far fetched!.

me: Can you reboot your PC please?
user: Yes, There I've done it. The same error is on the screen.
me: You rebooted that quick! wow what sort of PC do you have.
User: A grey one, How can you clear this error?
Me: When you rebooted did you just switch off the 'TV bit' or did you do switch off the big box with the CD drive?
user: Just the TV, its quicker.
Me: I know its slower, but can you switch off/on the box bit please? the TV bit may be quick but it doesnt actually reset your PC.
User: It did, the screen went black. I dont have time to reset the box.
Long but polite argument ensues, User will not help, but cant use PC until she does... I have to get someone to visit (2 hours later). They reboot her PC and its fine. Numpteys...

Had another that her PC wouldnt switch on. Asked her to check the power lead. "No I wont, I dont want to get dirty" (PC was under her desk).
6 hours later the techy visits and plugs her power in and she is working.
She then makes a formal complait agaisnt IT that it was not acceptable to be down for that time.... needless to say I had recorded everything and the blame that was firmly heading my way was thrown back at her.

LOL!!

OK.. here's one for ya.. We have a woman at work, ll us techies try and stay well clear of her cos she's a night mare!

Her: My mouse isn't working properly
Us: Ok, can you describe how it's not working properly please?
Her: Well I move it up and it moves down on the screen...
Us: Thats odd, it must be a driver issue. we'll send someone up.

2 mins later our techie comes down the stairs holding back tears...

She was using it upside down.

This is the same woman that, somehow, managed to get her fingers trapped in a laser printers roller lol while whimpering "Damn these withered hands!" lol I nearly wee'd.

I had one that lasted 2 days (cause I was on hols), girl came into work on friday turned her pc on, main unit struck up (these are her words) but no pictures on the tele bit, anyway she took it upon herself to test another monitor but still nothing.

So she ended up using someone elses desk who was off for the day, when she came in on saturday the same thing happened (on hearing this I told her the network elves were on hols aswell).

Monday comes Im back at work, not even time to make my first coffee and she's hammering on our support office door.

I get the full story so I go down and take a look, the manager that sits opposite her has his Iphone on all day playing music, its continually plugged in and charging, when he had finished on the thursday night he as usual turned it off at the mains, but not this time, this time he turned off the girls monitor.....

Enter stupid... why wont any of the tele bits work on my pc....I WANT A NEW PC AND MAKE IT ONE OF THOSE FAST ONES...

To which I reply sure no problem I will order you one as soon as this one packs up, now at this point the thought she was onto a winner, but having noticed the mains light on the monitor was off I took great pleasure in making her go to the mains socket and publically switch it on.

Needless to say her whole department whittnessed the whole debacle and she never talked to me for a few days...

BOFH rules